Why Your Self Discovery Journey Matters (and how to get started)
My first time in Bali at the famous rice paddies
4,000 - that’s the average number of weeks you’ll get if you live to 80.
I know time isn’t really real…it’s a construct. But with 168 hours per week, you still want to spend it in ways that feel good, right?
Time is the only resource you can’t replace. It’s finite. So you either decide how you want to live your life and invest your time or everyone else around you gets to decide FOR you.
So let’s talk about why your self discovery journey matters and how to get started.
Vulnerable share alert (this is going to get a little personal)
I’ve had to learn some things the hard way. The emotional way.
If you don’t take the time, throughout life you can go around misunderstanding yourself because the version of you that you know was created by everyone else around you.
From the moment you’re born, those who love you and those who know nothing about you are teaching you.
Teaching you how to assimilate
How to be accepted,
Through their words (language).
Through their action.
Through their intentions.
But finding the truth…your truth, it has to be intentional. Or else, the authentic self that was born into this world on day one will slowly and continually fade away.
Most forget to teach you how to accept yourself.
With intention, you have the power to
Re-discover
Re-claim
And re-connect.
Through self-inquiry
Curiosity
Exploration
And awareness
All is possible.
You can learn the language of your inner being.
By digging deep.
When you connect with yourself,
you have the capacity to connect with the world in a profound way.
If you choose to….
I’m going to share some ways to start digging deeper. But I want to share a story first.
We all have our own paths to get to know ourselves. But travel and subsequently journaling really changed me…in a good way.
Being away from home was nothing new to me. From the time I was about 9 years old, I knew I would leave Cleveland. My sister is 16 years older than me and growing up, I watched everything she did. She went to college. Then after that she moved to Atlanta. I would go visit her in Atlanta and it all felt so exciting! Seeing the houses and all the Black entrepreneurs. It felt like the place I needed to be when I was "grown."
Fast forward, I always said “I’m moving to Atlanta.” I even did an internship in Atlanta my junior year of college with plans to move there post graduation.
BUT the universe had other plans because I was getting no job offers in Atlanta and got a good offer in Dallas. So off to Dallas I went.
In Dallas I met my bff Jamee. Actually she didn’t like me at first. Hahaa! But as we became cool, we discovered we had a shared item on our bucket list.
Moving to New York!
So we decided to move together! After 3 years in NYC, starting a blog together, a t-shirt brand, then finally making the move to Los Angeles we almost seemed joined at the hip. To this day, she’s still my BFF, but I later realized I was using the security I felt in that friendship like a safety blanket.
We were doing bold things together, but I wasn’t being bold on my own. I didn’t know how.
After living together for 6 years, she got an opportunity to move to Dallas. It started off as a temporary move with the potential to be permanent depending on how things went. It was during that time I realized how (dare I say) codependent I had become on having my BFF there every step of the way. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I believe truth and authenticity is freeing.
Honestly now I can say I felt a bit lost because I always had someone else to do everything with. I wasn’t as independent as I appeared to be. That’s when I felt like it was time to cut the cord and set out on my own. I needed to strengthen my connection with ME and learn how to navigate the world without a built-in sense of security. So I started thinking about what I really wanted out of life.
And that’s the first step I’m going to share with you.
#1 Ask yourself “what do I want to experience in my life?”
For me, I started digging deeper into that question in 2016 when all of this was going on. I had a vision of my life that wasn’t fitting my reality at the time.
I wanted to feel valued for my contributions (I didn’t at work).
I wanted more flexibility with my work and how I spent my time.
I wanted to travel the world (I had not even left the country at this point).
But most importantly, I wanted peace of mind. Before pulling the plug and uprooting my life, I set the vision and started making some serious changes. I started taking classes to learn more skills so I could begin freelancing online (desire for flexibility).
In 2017, I quit my corporate job and decided to finally make the move to Atlanta. I sold or gave away almost everything and packed up my lil Hyundai with the rest of my belongings and set out on my first solo trip driving from LA to Atlanta. Over 7 days, I stopped at the Grand Canyon, spent time in Sante Fe New Mexico, Dallas, then finally my new home in Atlanta.
I had such high expectations of my new life. But it didn’t go as planned.
Fast forward to 2018, I was coming out of an unhealthy “situationship” with someone I’d loved since college…someone I actually wanted to marry. But that’s a whole ‘nother cringey story for another lifetime. Parts of my life seemed to be coming together, but emotionally I was still struggling. During that time, I was mostly keeping things bottled in and just wanted to escape because I felt like there was nothing in the US for me. What I’m able to write and reflect on now, I would’ve never admitted then (I can’t even believe I’m sharing it now).
So again in 2018, I sold or donated my belongings and went somewhere that had been on my travel wish list.
Bali!
Although “escape” usually isn’t a good thing, taking my first solo trip to Bali in 2018 changed the trajectory of my life. And I would not have done it without the pain I felt.
However, ultimately running away from my problems at home led me to myself.
No distractions.
No drama.
No confusion.
Just me.
Before the trip, a freelance client recommended I take a journal to document my travel journey and I thought it was silly. What would I write about??
But when I woke up in Bali that first morning, a surge of panic overtook me. I was thinking “what have I done?? Who takes their first solo trip to the other side of the world for 6 whole weeks?!?”
That’s when I pulled out that journal and started letting it all flow out. Not just about travel. But about everything. My emotions, my drama, my confusion…none of it felt stupid, insignificant, or judged there. I haven’t stopped journaling since. So that’s my next suggestion.
This is the actual day of panic when I woke up the first day in Bali and started writing in this very journal
#2 Find an outlet to explore + express your thoughts, document what you’re uncovering about yourself, and a space where you can be real. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the tough questions.
That first solo trip changed my life.
It taught me I CAN be independent. It taught me:
How to problem solve when my well-laid plans are falling apart
Self trust
How to be open, yet discerning
How to listen to my intuition (like that time I stopped a pick pocketer in her tracks in Vietnam)
I don’t think everyone has to travel solo to learned about themselves, build confidence, and self trust. But what we do have to do is be intentional. Question your path, your beliefs, and your desires.
Use the tools as your disposal to answer the question “WHO ARE YOU?”
Personally, I love journaling, human design, and various self care practices for allowing me to connect with myself in in depth ways.
#3 Allow yourself to experiment. There is no right or wrong way to allow your self exploration journey to play out. You get to choose!
Healing began to take place on that trip. My self care practices became stronger. And I started to reflect on my role in everything, including what my life had become up until that point. This single trip showed me what exploration of the world and exploration of the self could do for the soul. I’m not suggesting that anyone run away from their problems, but I do believe strongly in creating time + space to learn about yourself.
If you’d like to learn more, I have resources to support you:
Resources
If you’re ready to learn more about your own human design ➮ Illuminate the Muse Human Design Reading
If you want a FREE guide to explore your gifts based on your human design ➮ A Guide to Remembrance: Awaken Your 4 Unique Superpowers For Authentic Expression, Fulfillment + Purpose