What I learned on my personal self-healing retreat (and 7 steps to create your own)
On November 1, 2022 when I moved out of my apartment in Los Angeles, preparing for another chapter in my life as a full-time digital nomad (again - 1st started in 2018), I knew I was entering yet another life transition.
I like to think I'm the queen of transitions.
Between the many, many moves (including 5 interstate moves)
Rebuilding friend circles after said moves
Job changes
Business ideas
Hell…even hairstyle changes!
I embrace change and love the experience of newness. One of my strengths is going into it bravely and tending to fear as it arises. However, my latest and most significant transition of moving again AND my Mom transitioning simultaneously has been the most challenging. Obviously.
My Mom had been battling Stage 4 ovarian cancer since being diagnosed in October 2020. During that time, she showed me what strength really looked like. And she did it all with such positivity that I really believed in my heart that she could fight and win.
So when I got off my flight to Cleveland on November 1st, and my Stepdad let me know my Mom had been taken to the emergency room because she was very weak, I was surprised, but also not thinking that we were in her last days.
My Mom passed away on November 5, 2023 surrounded by her family. I was there at her bedside when she took her last breath. And one of my first thoughts was, "Now that my Mom has died, I have nothing else left to fear." Because for as long as I could remember, my Mom dying was my biggest fear, even though it was inevitable. I feared her death more than I ever feared my own.
When you experience transitions in your life, the world doesn't slow down.
You just have to find your balance while everything keeps spinning. While juggling the balls in the air, the one that felt the heaviest was my professional life - my job and my business.
It felt like I simply needed time for the world to stop, so I made that happen in my own way. A personal self-healing retreat.
I had already been planning to travel long-term. I specifically chose Costa Rica, even before my Mom passed, because I wanted to be close to the United States in case I needed to travel to help her during chemo treatments, as I had done over the past 2 years.
After losing her, to the surprise of my family and friends, I moved forward with my plans to travel…and go to Costa Rica.
People assumed I would want to stay closer to family during my time of grief. And don't get me wrong, I appreciated being around people who loved me during the most challenging moments of my life. However, sometimes that felt counterintuitive to how I needed to process my emotions. I'm a 2/4 Emotional Manifestor who thrives with alone time to process thoughts, emotions, etc. So being surrounded by people at all times didn't leave room for what I needed most during the most difficult time of my life. Understanding my human design helped take away some of the guilt when I intentionally created space for myself and set boundaries.
That's exactly what my trip to Costa Rica turned into. A time for self-healing, reflection, and preparing for the future ahead in this new world without my Mom.
What is self-healing?
I was first introduced to the idea of self-healing by Dr. Nicole LePera a few years ago when I started following her wildly popular Instagram account. Before that, I had tried many times to find a therapist who resonated with me, the first time being in college when I was struggling with depression, then again in 2007 when I was overwhelmed with feeling like a failure at work, adjusting to living in a new city, and essentially trying to understand why I was so unhappy with my life.
Self-healing is "a united philosophy of mental, physical, and spiritual health that equips people with the tools necessary to heal themselves." Therapy is a powerful resource, but I also believe we can be empowered to take an active role in our own healing journey. It can be what you make it - whether seeking resources and support, practicing self-care and self-compassion, or engaging in therapeutic or healing practices.
I've found a self-healing journey to help deal with my grief, mental stress, and life transitions and a powerful tool to support healing and well-being.
Costa Rica turned into my personal self-healing retreat
I didn't necessarily set out on Costa Rica becoming a personal healing retreat. I knew it would be a time of studying because I intentionally packed a carry-on suitcase of books ranging from human design to nutrition to self-discovery. But I also thought I'd be social, connecting with the locals, practicing my Spanish, and seeing the country's sites.
But when I landed on December 30th, I saw the trip taking a different path. I spent New Year's Eve in meditation, crying, and writing out what I wanted my life to look like going forward.
This trend continued during the entirety of my 2 months in Costa Rica. Spending time reimagining my life and priorities in this new chapter. Journaling on what I want to experience, my gifts, how I want to share them, where I want to go, how I want to be compassionate for myself, who I want to meet, and how I want to serve others. I have pages and pages and pages of reflections.
Before I share more about creating a retreat, I’d also like to add that during my time alone, I did attend a virtual grief circle to see how processing my grief with others could be helpful. After the session, I felt extremely emotional after listening to and tuning into the emotions of others. It took me a day to recover from all of the emotional energy and it simply did not feel good for me. Not that I’d never attend another support group or seek grief counseling, but at this time, what I’m doing is working for me.
How to intentionally create a personal self-healing retreat
Although self-exploration is a part of my regular practice, now that I'm on the other side of my impromptu personal self-healing retreat, I'd like to share what I learned to help you make yours intentional.
Here are some steps you can take to plan your retreat:
What is your intention? Think about what you want to achieve during your retreat. Do you want to focus on healing from grief or stress? Do you need time to reflect and recharge? Having a clear intention will help guide your retreat.
Choose a spot that feels peaceful and relaxing. You may want to stay in a cozy tiny home in the woods, a beachfront hotel, or a loft in rural Costa Rica like I did. Lol. Look for a place that aligns with your intentions and will help you feel safe. However, travel is not a requirement for creating a retreat experience. You can also take the time at home or in your city.
Do you want a schedule or simply go with the flow? Consider your human design. If your digestion variable (top left arrow near the head of bodygraph) points left, you may prefer structure. If it points right, you may like to go with the flow. Either way, consider what activities would support your intentions for the retreat. Some ideas include meditation, yoga, nature walks, journaling, and creative activities. Remember to also allow time for relaxation and rest!
Consider what you'll be eating during your retreat. Opt for healthy and nourishing foods that will support your healing process. And if you have any dietary restrictions or preferences, make sure to plan accordingly. My diet was lots of fruits and vegetables, as well as supplements and herbs to help with specific issues I wanted to heal. I worked with an herbalist I connected with in Costa Rica for a plan after having a complete physical in the US before my departure.
Reduce or disconnect from technology. Take a break from your phone, email, and social media. This will help you stay present and fully immersed in your retreat. Full transparency: I did not entirely disconnect from tech during my retreat but limited my time on social media.
Set boundaries. Let people know you are taking time for yourself to focus on your healing. If you're traveling, it's important to let trusted people know where you are and check in regularly for safety purposes.
Have supportive resources at hand. Bring what you need to support your healing journey, like books, music, or a journal to write down your thoughts and reflections.
Practice self-compassion and be realistic
Did my grief journey end when I left Costa Rica? Absolutely not. The word journey is key. Self-healing and tending to emotions, transitions, and life, in general, can be an ever-evolving journey, not something that transforms overnight.
The purpose of the personal retreat is a time to prioritize your self-care and well-being. So be kind to yourself and allow yourself to fully experience the healing process, but also be realistic and don't expect everything to magically change in your life.
During my experience, one of the tools that helped me the most was journaling. My notebook is a non-judgmental place where I can dump my thoughts, work out my emotions, and physically see my reflections on paper to make sense of them.
If you'd like to incorporate journaling (or audio-journaling) into your practice, here are some prompts you may want to experiment with:
What emotions am I feeling right now? How can I take care of myself during this time?
What challenges or stressors am I facing? How can I approach them with compassion and self-care?
What am I grateful for in my life? How can I cultivate more gratitude and appreciation?
What lessons am I learning during this time? How can I use these lessons to grow as a person?
What are my dreams for the future? What do I want to experience? What steps can I take to work towards them?
By planning your personal self-healing retreat and engaging in supportive practices, you can promote healing and create a peaceful state of mind, reduce stress, increase self-awareness, and increase your capacity for resilience.
My time alone did not bring my Mom back or take away the pain, but it helped me regain my center in the midst of so much change. It also helped me get clear on who I wanted to be as I honored her legacy while building my own.
In whatever intention you set for your retreat, remember to be kind to yourself and honor your needs and emotions as they come up. With time, patience, and self-care, you can move through your healing journey and emerge even stronger and more resilient than before.
Resources
If you’re ready to learn more about your own human design ➮ Illuminate the Muse Human Design Reading
If you want a FREE guide to explore your gifts based on your human design ➮ A Guide to Remembrance: Awaken Your 4 Unique Superpowers For Authentic Expression, Fulfillment + Purpose
See, learn, and explore on my YouTube channel ➮ Elle Undefined
Note: this post contains affiliate links.